Safety – How did You become You?

There is Reality & there is our Representation of it. They are not the same.

Not one Human Being (Scientists included), or for that matter, creature on the planet, ‘knows’ reality i.e. What Is.

Controversial? 😱

What we know, is the representation we have built of it in our mind / body.

We do not react or respond to reality, we react or respond to the representation we have built of it and yes we do have instinctual responses ‘programmed’ within us. (Instinctual behaviour is the inherited ability of an organism to respond to a specific stimulus.)

We do not however live our lives mainly driven by natural instincts.

We LEARN what reality is, we are taught by our own experience, by our parents, by others, by the culture we are raised in, by the language(s) we learn, the beliefs and values we learn, using them to ‘label’ and ‘understand’ reality .

A lot of the learning about reality takes place when we are babies / toddlers / children.

We learn labels, scripts, patterns of thinking, habits, beliefs, values etc that ‘equip’ us (in a range of useful to not useful) to ‘deal’ with reality.

We then live our lives in a ‘Thought Bubble’ that we create ABOUT reality using those labels, scripts, patterns etc. Note:- we may learn to ‘hijack / take over’ some instinctive patterns within the ‘Thought Bubble’ and then modify them, for example the FEAR response. The majority of us are not aware of living in the ‘Thought Bubble,’ and normally never question our thoughts ABOUT reality.

Belief:- an internally held representation of a lens through which we perceive reality. (We have thousands that vary by context) and we learn them all.

We build our representation of reality (Thought Bubble) by way of those learned beliefs (lenses).

Some of those beliefs operate at a level below conscious awareness and are know as cognitive biases e.g. confirmation bias.

There are many, many cognitive biases, just google. https://www.visualcapitalist.com/50-cognitive-biases-in-the-modern-world/

It is NOT seeing is believing, it is BELIEVING is seeing.

You may have heard the quotation “Give me a child until he is 7 and I will show you the man.” ~Aristotle.

An issue arises:-

> A prime driver for every creature is to survive and thrive.

> A subset of that driver is to keep ourselves SAFE.

> Lack of safety triggers FEAR.

> As a child, our young immature brain learns patterns to minimize the stress caused by fear (feeling unsafe)

The brain learns by repetition, by repeating those thoughts about how to avoid fear. Some beliefs we may form are:-

I’m not good enough – I must please everyone – I need to be perfect etc. then I’ll be safe

These are known as injunctions and drivers

> We also learn patterns and scripts as the stimulus (lack of safety), triggers FEAR.

What may happen then is, that FEAR dominates how we live our lives and drives / motivates our thoughts, emotions and behaviours. In this state of course, we are not normally aware that we LEARNED these patterns and scripts, we are just aware that well, this is my life, this is how I am, look at what’s happening to me etc. In fact we develop a VICTIM mentality where of course there is also a ‘Persecutor’ and a ‘Rescuer’ we live our lives as the VICTIM in the Drama Triangle. Actually, we all play each of the roles and you may recognise them playing out in your life.

Until what?

There is a question I like:-

Is your Mind your Master or are you the Master of your Mind?

When our Mind is our Master we kind of run in ‘automatic mode’ perceiving reality through those learned beliefs / lenses (within our thought bubble) and mainly reacting to Reality (What Is), following the old scripts and patterns that we learned. You may notice in a Team meeting for example, childhood patterns emerging and playing out, its like being back in the school playground.🤷🤪🤬🤯😒😖😜🤷‍♂️

As I said, some patterns of thoughts and strategies may serve us well. Others perhaps, not so much.

As we learn to become Master of our Mind, its like we operate at a different level of consciousness and are much more likely to think about our thinking / how we are representing ‘things?’ Pausing and choosing how to respond, rather than reacting to the representation of Reality we have built . We recognise also perhaps a few of those beliefs e.g. “I’m not good enough” that we have learned do not perhaps serve us well and because we are Masters of our Mind, we can choose to change those beliefs.

How are you representing the reality of issues, problems in your life?
What belief might you CHOOSE to Change?
How might you reframe the representations of reality you have built?

Becoming you (self actualisation)

maslow’s hierarchy

Abraham Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs motivational model
Abraham Maslow developed the Hierarchy of Needs model in 1940-50’s USA, and the Hierarchy of Needs theory remains valid today for understanding human motivation, management training, and personal development. Indeed, Maslow’s ideas surrounding the Hierarchy of Needs concerning the responsibility of employers to provide a workplace environment that encourages and enables employees to fulfil their own unique potential (self-actualization) are today more relevant than ever. Abraham Maslow’s book Motivation and Personality, published in 1954 (second edition 1970) introduced the Hierarchy of Needs, and Maslow extended his ideas in other work, notably his later book Toward A Psychology Of Being, a significant and relevant commentary, which has been revised in recent times by Richard Lowry, who is in his own right a leading academic in the field of motivational psychology.
Abraham Maslow was born in New York in 1908 and died in 1970, although various publications appear in Maslow’s name in later years. Maslow’s PhD in psychology in 1934 at the University of Wisconsin formed the basis of his motivational research, initially studying rhesus monkeys. Maslow later moved to New York’s Brooklyn College. Maslow’s original five-stage Hierarchy of Needs model is clearly and directly attributable to Maslow; later versions with added motivational stages are not so clearly attributable, although in his work Maslow refers to these additional aspects of motivation, but not specifically as levels in the Hierarchy.

Interpreting behaviour according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs is an excellent model for understanding human motivation see Figure 14 Abraham Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, but it is a broad concept. If you are puzzled as to how to relate given behaviour to the Hierarchy it could be that your definition of the behaviour needs refining. For example, ‘where does ‘doing things for fun’ fit into the model? The answer is that it can’t until you define ‘doing things for fun’ more accurately.
You’d need to define more precisely each given situation where a person is ‘doing things for fun’ in order to analyse motivation according to Maslow’s Hierarchy, since the ‘fun’ activity motive can potentially be part any of the five original Maslow needs.
Understanding whether striving to achieve a particular need or aim is ‘fun’ can provide a helpful basis for identifying a Maslow driver within a given behaviour, and thereby to assess where a particular behaviour fits into the model:
• Biological – health, fitness, energising mind and body, etc.
• Safety – order and structure needs met for example by some heavily organised, structural activity
• Belongingness – team sport, club ‘family’ and relationships
• Esteem – competition, achievement, recognition
• Self-Actualization drivers – challenge, new experiences, love of art, nature, etc.
However in order to relate a particular ‘doing it for fun’ behaviour the Hierarchy of Needs we need to consider what makes it ‘fun’ (i.e. rewarding) for the person. If a behaviour is ‘for fun’, then consider what makes it ‘fun’ for the person – is the ‘fun’ rooted in ‘belongingness’, or is it from ‘recognition’, ie., ‘esteem’. Or is the fun at a deeper level, from the sense of self-fulfilment, i.e. ‘self-actualization’.
Apply this approach to any behaviour that doesn’t immediately fit the model, and it will help you to see where it does fit.
Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs will be a blunt instrument if used as such. The way you use the Hierarchy of Needs determines the subtlety and sophistication of the model.
For example: the common broad-brush interpretation of Maslow’s famous theory suggests that that once a need is satisfied the person moves onto the next, and to an extent this is entirely correct. However an overly rigid application of this interpretation will produce a rigid analysis, and people and motivation are more complex. So while it is broadly true that people move up (or down) the hierarchy, depending what’s happening to them in their lives, it is also true that most people’s motivational ‘set’ at any time comprises elements of all of the motivational drivers. For example, self-actualizers (level 5 – original model) are mainly focused on self-actualizing but are still motivated to eat (level 1) and socialise (level 3). Similarly, homeless folk whose main focus is feeding themselves (level 1) and finding shelter for the night (level 2) can also be, albeit to a lesser extent, still concerned with social relationships (level 3), how their friends perceive them (level 4), and even the meaning of life (level 5 – original model).
Like any simple model, Maslow’s theory not a fully responsive system – it’s a guide which requires some interpretation and thought, given which, it remains extremely useful and applicable for understanding, explaining and handling many human behaviour situations.

I have also found it useful to associate Maslow’s hierarchy with something called Spiral Dynamics in looking at motivational drivers

Which level are you at?
What needs to happen to move up?
If you are at Self-actualisation, anything you need to do to sustain at that level?

Feel the Fear – Do it anyway.

What is the purpose of fear?

What outcome is that e-motion focused on?

Primarily Safety – to keep us safe, is one of the main reasons we become afraid, see fight, flight, freeze.

Let’s look at the SCARF model again

As David says, fundamental drivers of the brain are perceived threat and reward. In his SCARF paper he talks of an underlying principle that the brain operates on, Minimise Threat – Maximise Reward (Avoid – Approach) with a huge bias toward Minimise Threat (keep us safe).

Collaborating & Influencing using SCARF

So how does fear stop us? We hold beliefs about ourselves, often learned early in life, about what we can or can’t do, oh and we are right about those beliefs being ‘true’ 🙂

Looking at the picture above, familiar thinking / behaviour has the potential to trigger reward (dopamine) and it does. There is Certainty (one of the SCARF domains) about the familiar – we know what is going to happen. As the slide says even if the familiar thing is ‘bad’ for us we get a reward from the brain, see addiction.

New thinking / behaviour on the other hand triggers a perceived threat state, we are uncertain, not sure about what may happen, if we think in this new way, believe this new thing, act in this new way, we then trigger an amygdala flood.

How old do you think we are when we first perceive threat and reward?

As a child, we build patterns based on what our brain ‘learns’in terms of avoiding threat. The brain then uses these learned ways of thinking and behaving and they become familiar, laid down as patterns (which take no conscious effort to evoke when required). When we follow these familiar ways, we don’t get nasty threat feelings. Of course we are right when we justify those ways 🙂

What is happening?

One of the things that happens, is that we learn we do not like the effect of the threat response and the feelings it evokes within us. We then become afraid of feeling that feeling. 🙂 The brain being the brain, learns “ah ok if we don’t go to that threat state then we won’t get that horrible feeling” and we’ll feel ‘safe’! Oh and being the brain I know I am right about that 🙂

So that’s what we’ll do, we’ll just not go there and that’s a habit formed 🙂

What to do?

We need to go there 🙂 feel the fear and do it anyway. We think it / do it and nobody dies 🙂 We ride through the feelings of sick in the stomach (because blood moves to our muscles to get ready to fight or flight) of the rising heart rate, shallow breathing, dry mouth etc. We ride it out and in so doing our brain learns that actually, we can do it or think it 🙂 🙂

It may be useful to use the name it, claim it, tame it method here also. E.g. if you are feeling uncertain, just say “there goes my certainty trigger”

As you triumph over the fear / threat response doing the ‘new way’ will become easier and end up as the preferred way.

What about adrenaline junkies?

I’m not one 🙂 It would appear that they relish and look for the rush generated by the Fear/ Stress reaction in the mind and body

What will you now feel the fear about and then do anyway?