How do you Lead? Learn to Lead through Influence not Dominance

Learning to lead through influence, not dominance.

So often leadership is confused with hierarchy — a structure which suggests there is scarcity at the top. To progress up, someone must come down. It’s an industrial mindset, and when applied to leadership it is simply not true.

Heath Evans
Jan 22, 2019 · 5 min read

We see these power struggles every day. Struggles for status to determine who will speak first, and more importantly who will speak last (aka the final say).

Often the outcomes of these interactions are mistaken for influence, but more commonly they are determined by dominance. The person who spoke the loudest, who pushed the hardest, who ‘pulled-rank’ when they were tired of pretending they wanted collaboration when ultimately they wanted consensus.

It’s an easy trap to fall into, but it is neither sustainable nor respectable and there are many leaders shining the light on a better way.

Gaining influence through empowerment.

The greatest leaders I’ve ever worked with have never relied on dominance to gain influence — instead they’ve been willing to dance with it.

They’ve encouraged those around them to take turns. To take the lead and feel what it would be like to take responsibility and determine the next step.

They’ve provided the parameters, but within those boundaries they encouraged us to explore the edges. To bring our creativity, our imagination, and to try things that have never been done before, always eager to help us should we ever lose our way.

When a leader has done this fully, never once did I lose sight of the fact that they were ultimately in charge (a fear that holds back many managers from fully committing to this approach). Instead, through their trust and generosity, I felt I was seen, I was heard, I mattered, I was valued, and ultimately I capable of more than I had ever imagined.

I felt this not because they protected me from any harm, but on the contrary because they did not hide me from the burden of power and responsibility that comes with being a leader. They pushed me to embrace it, to explore how I might do it differently, to discover my own style, and most importantly — to own it.

For the weak manager, this shift of status represents a risk that is far too great for them to consider. The passing of power risks the loss of influence, the reduction of their relevance presents a threat to their hierarchical style of leadership.

For the great leader, however, this presents the chance to create more leaders. They do not fear that they will lose their role, but rather they play the role their team needs them to play, demonstrating their versatility and ability to adapt and only stepping in as the team requires.

Learning which role your team needs you to play.

This concept of role playing is one I’ve been exploring recently having been introduced to David Kantor’s ‘action stances’ during a wonderful leadership session with Dr Karen Morley.

Kantor explores the way people engage in discussions when making decisions, and asserts that ‘every conversation is made up of individual acts of speech: statements and questions…and that every speech can take four types of actions (to move, oppose, follow, or bystand).’

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