Tag: self

How is the ‘Voyage’ progressing?

Sailing is an excellent metaphor for our lives, where the wind and the sea constitute the reality of our lives.

It may be for some of us, we stay close to shore, perhaps even choosing not to venture out of the harbour (yet).

Our ‘yacht’ is the ‘Self’ we created / built. If you like it is the ‘Self’ we learned / we were taught.

We are the sailor in charge of this ‘yacht.’

What starts to become apparent after we leave the harbour and set our course is, the more we respond to the wind and the waves, rather than react and try to ‘force’ our way forward, the more we begin to understand what the ‘yacht’ really needs us to do, in order to follow the course.

For example tacking, because that’s what the conditions demand – we cannot go straight there. What we also begin to realise is: ‘Oh its me, I’m in charge of this ‘yacht’, where it’s going and how well or badly it’s going to navigate there.’

We cannot make demands of the winds and waves to follow our bidding, we can only respond to what is.

This may also trigger us into thinking, perhaps this ‘yacht’ / ‘Self’ could use some design tweaks.

What are those?

How shall I incorporate them?

As we begin to recognise the ‘power’ of responding, we learn to let go of a lot of what we thought was required in life / what we learned.

Then we begin to unlearn and relearn, this time though with an inner wisdom that says all we can control is our attitude and our response.

Thus we learn to be at one with who we are and the fluidity of the life we have.

Life is 10% what happens and 90% how we deal with it.

Show up, connect, respond to what shows up.

As you think about being the one in control of your ‘Yacht.’

  • What are you doing well?
  • How clear are you  on what needs to improve?
  • What’s missing on the voyage?

Perspectives on Relationships, a big part of You becoming You?

Relationship, (which may be for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime), describes how we relate to or interact with another or others, or indeed ourselves. It is useful to think about a relationship as separate from the people involved. A separate entity if you like, see Figure 1 Relationship.

Figure 1 Relationship

A salesman told this story about relationships.  He said,
“When I was about fourteen or fifteen, I remember doing history. I liked history and enjoyed writing the essays. One thing puzzled me though, my best mate, was always marked higher than me. Both of us agreed that my essays were superior and he could not understand what was going on either. We decided to do a swap, he’d submit my essays and I would submit his for a month. Well what do you know, he still got the higher marks (well he deserved them now 🙂 ) and when we swapped back the higher marks stayed with him. I learned a big lesson from that, which had a direct effect on my career decision, to be a salesman. Relationship is at least as important, if not sometimes more important, than what is delivered”

The three relationships this BLOG is written around
You need to pay attention to:-
 Your relationship with yourself
 Encompassing:- Me to myself
This is the key relationship and forms the foundation from which the other two are built. If it is not in good shape then the other two will not be either
 Your relationship with others
 Encompassing :- Me to them and them to me
Usually where we experience problems or joy
 Your spiritual relationship
 Encompassing:- Me to God (or e.g. Universe) and God (the Universe) to me
Where our true sense of fulfilment as a person lies, it is often talked about when it is not there, as an emptiness, a gap, something not right or missing in my life, (even although I’ve done all these things and made all this money and am very famous, I’m still searching for something)

Looking again at Figure 1 Relationship, you will see there are three entities, the relationship itself and the two participants.

A useful concept here is, to think about and perhaps design a work relationship, an alliance.  If you can create a separate relationship from, for example the ‘day to day / social’ relationship, then it is possible to discuss the ‘work’ without interfering with the main relationship.

Here is an example of manager / employee where each party can describe what they need in the relationship viz.
Employee:
• I need to be told my work is on track and given some guidance if it is not, at least once per month.
• It would help me to have a conversation with you at least once per week, to stay ‘connected’
• I would appreciate being left to do my job without being asked constantly what’s happening and then being told how to do it.
Manager:
• It would help me greatly to know of any potential problems as early as possible, no surprises.
• I would prefer that you complete your reports in a timely way without having to be ‘chased’
• I would like also that we can raise any issues promptly and openly share anything getting in the way of achieving results

The above is an example of one of the relationships with others that you may have. I’m not suggesting that every relationship you have is articulated in this way, however it is an option if the relationship is not as you desire it to be.