Relationship, (which may be for a Reason, a Season or a Lifetime), describes how we relate to or interact with another or others, or indeed ourselves. It is useful to think about a relationship as separate from the people involved. A separate entity if you like, see Figure 1 Relationship.
Figure 1 Relationship
A salesman told this story about relationships. He said,
“When I was about fourteen or fifteen, I remember doing history. I liked history and enjoyed writing the essays. One thing puzzled me though, my best mate, was always marked higher than me. Both of us agreed that my essays were superior and he could not understand what was going on either. We decided to do a swap, he’d submit my essays and I would submit his for a month. Well what do you know, he still got the higher marks (well he deserved them now 🙂 ) and when we swapped back the higher marks stayed with him. I learned a big lesson from that, which had a direct effect on my career decision, to be a salesman. Relationship is at least as important, if not sometimes more important, than what is delivered”
The three relationships this BLOG is written around
You need to pay attention to:-
Your relationship with yourself
Encompassing:- Me to myself
This is the key relationship and forms the foundation from which the other two are built. If it is not in good shape then the other two will not be either
Your relationship with others
Encompassing :- Me to them and them to me
Usually where we experience problems or joy
Your spiritual relationship
Encompassing:- Me to God (or e.g. Universe) and God (the Universe) to me
Where our true sense of fulfilment as a person lies, it is often talked about when it is not there, as an emptiness, a gap, something not right or missing in my life, (even although I’ve done all these things and made all this money and am very famous, I’m still searching for something)
Looking again at Figure 1 Relationship, you will see there are three entities, the relationship itself and the two participants.
A useful concept here is, to think about and perhaps design a work relationship, an alliance. If you can create a separate relationship from, for example the ‘day to day / social’ relationship, then it is possible to discuss the ‘work’ without interfering with the main relationship.
Here is an example of manager / employee where each party can describe what they need in the relationship viz.
Employee:
• I need to be told my work is on track and given some guidance if it is not, at least once per month.
• It would help me to have a conversation with you at least once per week, to stay ‘connected’
• I would appreciate being left to do my job without being asked constantly what’s happening and then being told how to do it.
Manager:
• It would help me greatly to know of any potential problems as early as possible, no surprises.
• I would prefer that you complete your reports in a timely way without having to be ‘chased’
• I would like also that we can raise any issues promptly and openly share anything getting in the way of achieving results
The above is an example of one of the relationships with others that you may have. I’m not suggesting that every relationship you have is articulated in this way, however it is an option if the relationship is not as you desire it to be.
- How is your relationship with yourself?
I like this super-perspective – thank you. It makes me think of the coaching relationship which can address all aspects of relationship within the scope of the desired outcome. The coach has a particular focus and that is on how he/her relates and it has nothing to do with the content.
There is also a famous icon of Father Son and Holy Spirit having a meal together. If you study the picture it seems there is a spare space at the table – it is for you and me.
So all relationships also need room for more…good growth.